Feeling Loved — Part 2

“I don’t know why I can’t find anyone to love. I have so much love to give.”

This means, “I am a black hole of emotional need, and I will bleed you dry.”

I once heard Johnny Carson say this as a joke on his show, but I recognized it as the story of my life.

I didn’t have relationships; I took hostages.

When I loved someone, I could not understand why they were not as obsessed with the relationship as I was. I could not let go of people, even when it was clear they were just not into me and were clearly bad for me.

In short, I was codependent as hell.

Many years later, after treatment and spiritual growth, I no longer feel panic when I have to tell someone I care about, “Goodbye.”

Most days (because I’m still healing), I have confidence that I am loved, valued, and appreciated. I don’t obsess over whether someone loves me, and I know it’s safe to love other people even though every relationship I will ever have is going to end, one way or another.

No matter what, I will be okay, and I will love and be loved again.

How did I get here?

See Part 3 tomorrow!